Positive Student Confrontation

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Welcome! Read on to explore a strategy for POSITIVE STUDENT CONFRONTATION.

Tips...

Effective educators minimize the number of discipline problems that occur in their classrooms by creating safe, caring learning environments, establishing clear rules and procedures, and teaching stimulating lessons that keep students engaged. Yet despite our best efforts at preventing student misbehavior, issues are bound to arise. What do we do then?

When all else fails, use positive student confrontation. Rather than punishing a student or making him or her feel guilty, positive student confrontation respectfully challenges a student to achieve desirable behavior. Positive student confrontation focuses on a specific, recurring behavior rather than a student's overall behavior; it focuses on the present and the future rather than the past. One such strategy is to deliver a Three-Part Confrontation Message.

The Three-Part Confrontation Message

Part 1: "When You"

Begin your confrontation message with "When you" followed by the behavior you want to eliminate.

• "When you chew gum,"
• "When you show up late for class,"
• "When you come to class without materials,"
• "When you talk out in class without raising your hand,"
• "When you interrupt another student who is talking,"

Be sure to state a specific behavior rather than an inference or judgment. To distinguish between the two, remember that a behavior is observable — it is something that can be seen or heard. Change inferences to words that describe the behaviors that caused you to make the inferences.

For example:

• Instead of "When you are rude," say "When you talk when others are talking"
• Instead of "When you are bored," say "When you sit and stare out the window"
• Instead of "When you waste time," say "When you are not working at assigned times"
• Instead of "When you bully," say "When you poke classmates"
• Instead of "When you are disrespectful," say "When you use put-downs"
• Instead of "When you cheat," say "When you look at another student's paper"

Part 2: "I Feel"

Make the next part of your message with "I feel" followed by a one-word feeling.

For example:

• "... I feel frustrated ..."
• "... I feel irritated ..."
• "... I feel angry ..."
• "... I feel annoyed ..."

Avoid the phrases "I feel like" or "I feel that." These phrases preface thoughts, not feelings.

Part 3: "Because"

Conclude your message with "because" followed by the effect the student's behavior has on you, the class, and/or the school. Avoid stating the effect the student's behavior will have on himself or herself. Instead, consider how the student's behavior affects you or others in terms of time, money, productivity, performance, safety, damage, waste, and so on.

For example:

• "... because it takes extra work on my part to get you caught up."
• "... because it holds the entire group back."
• "... because it violates my space."
• "... because we lose our concentration."

Putting the Message Together

Once you've clearly identified what you want to say in each part, put your message together.

For example:

"Megan, when you chew gum, I feel frustrated because it distracts me from my lesson and I am not able to be the teacher I'd like to be."

"Arturo, when you show up for group work without your materials, I feel irritated because it holds the entire group back."

"Marcina, when you fight on the bus and get suspended, I get angry because it takes extra work on my part to get you caught up."

Tips for Delivering a Three-Part Confrontation Message

• Write, edit, and memorize your message in advance.
• Rehearse the message in your mind or role-play with someone who is not involved.
• Arrange a private meeting with the student as soon after the infraction as possible. (Allow for 20 uninterrupted minutes.)
• After delivering your message, give the student an opportunity to respond, re-confront the student as needed, and continue the meeting until the student offers a solution or agrees to find a solution with you.
• Keep the following goals in mind: securing a change in behavior; building and maintaining a positive relationship.

Source: The above concepts are based on the PLS graduate course Successful Teaching for Acceptance of Responsibility™.

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